I’ve always had a flexible relationship with work, working myself to the bone, and then taking off large chunks of time to recharge. More often than not, though, I end up realizing that I absolutely love my job, and come back early from sabbaticals to go at it again. This has frustrated the Mrs in the past, especially when she realized I was hacking on patches during at least one of the past two paternity leaves. However, a funny thing happened in the last leave. Last year we spent 4 months in Canada, as Alba collaborated with U of Ottawa as part of her postdoc. We didn’t have day care so I took a leave of absence. This turned out the be the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I spent all day with a 1.5 year old, taking him to parks, lakes, going on bike rides, and coooking a rather repetitive menu of rice and beans.

After about two weeks I settled into a nice rhythm, not missing work one bit (no pun intended). This was a first. A week into our Canadian excursion, we found out Alba was pregnant (again) and I started wondering how on earth I’d find time for work, cycling, and kids. I had been pondering early retirement for a good decade, but this was the first time I seriously entertained it. Knowing full well my history with failed sabbaticals, I knew this feeling would pass. But, returning to work after Christmas was a different beast.

I remember coming back the day after New Year’s, bleary eyed, coffee in hand, and wondering– what the hell am I doing here? I would much rather have a croissant, and go to the park with Mai, than sit around looking at ones and zeroes. This nagging feeling didn’t go away after a month, and I had a serious conversation with Alba: “I can’t do this any more. I need a long break, not just a quarter”. Since paternity leave was right around the corner, I decided to stick around a few months, take the leave, and see if I could cut it when I came back. Well, I couldn’t…

After spending another 3 months with the kiddos, I just couldn’t see myself doing the Monday through Friday thing, especially not with Mai in this super fun stage (ok, terrorist twos but I’m a glass half full kinda guy), and Lola in the…well… they’re all a blob of meat the first 2 months, but she has potential, I can tell.

So I sucked it up for 2 more weeks to see if this was Daddy brain fog from lack of sleep. After all, I had forgotten to secure Mai’s bed railing twice in the first week, to find him crying on the ground, so I knew I wasn’t at 100% mental capacity. Well, a fortnight came and went, and I decided it was time.

After 24 years at Red Hat, I mustered up the courage to tell my boss that I was leaving. This was immensely difficult, not because I was jumping into the unknown, but because this was more akin to breaking up with a girlfriend you love, because you’re going away to college or some other unforseen adventure.

I have nothing but good memories at Red Hat. It has been one of the highlights of my life, if not the highlight. But that highlight is rapidly being eclipsed by the bright, incandescent light you only get from front row seats to the greatest show on earth– a tiny human learning to navigate life.

Ultimately I don’t know if I’m taking a couple years off, quitting, or retiring. Let’s just call it retiring for two years, and see where it goes.

p.s. I’ll still be involved in the free software project I’ve devoted the better part of my life to, but without pay. Yes, I am a genius!

p.p.s. With my copious free time, I’ll try to revive this blog. I’m aiming for one post a week, with you know, the things you wish you could say if you didn’t have a job. Yeah, that.