There’s a saying in Puerto Rico that roughly translated says– “it’s not the same to call on the devil than to see him come”. Be careful what you wish for…you may just get it.

The past year has been tempestuous yet jawdroppingly inspiring. I’m unmarried for the first time in almost a decade, and though the first day or two were a bit frightening (for obvious reasons), the rest of the trip has been scary for entirely unexpected reasons.

You see, we all have plans and dreams for the future, and sometimes we unexpectedly put them on hold only to realize that we’ve lost ourselves in the process. Coming to the realization that accomplishing those plans and dreams are entirely within ones reach is scary. You can no longer blame anyone else for your failures or plans left undone. You are the master of your own ship, the skipper of your own boat.

Once the dust had settled in my life, and the chatter in my head had quieted down, I realized that I had many dreams on pause, all of which were now entirely within my power to realize. That is some scary shit! Having dreams beyond your control is not scary at all. You can dream of winning the lottery and dunking a basketball, but if you’re broke and five feet tall, those dreams are unlikely to keep you up at night. But when all of a sudden, YOU are the limiting factor in realizing your dreams, there’s a moment of panic. No one to blame but yourself.

For the longest time I wanted to take a few years off, bike and camp with a tent. Now that I can… not so exciting. I prefer the comfort of the RV, with a few bikes safely in tow, and a toilet and shower within arms length at all times. Once I dreamed of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail, but sipping tea in a Moroccan cafe sounds a lot more appealing nowadays. Part of this shift may be coming of age, but a lot of it has to do with the fear of looking your dreams in the eye and knowing deep in your heart, that they’re all entirely possible. As a friend of mine used to say “you can do anything you want in life; just not everything”.

So here’s to words left unsaid, dreams left unopened, and that Moroccan cafe… all of which are entirely within my grasp.