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\nFor those of you in the dark, my friend Doel (previously from Puerto Rico and now safely ensconced in Peru) invited me to cycle from Lima to Cuzco on a bicycle. \u00c2\u00a0Being the adrenaline junkie that I am, I didn’t quite think about the details. \u00c2\u00a0He had me at “cycle”!<\/p>\n
Little did I know that the route was not as the crow flies, but as the llama walks. \u00c2\u00a0Not the 500 kilometers I thought I calculated by looking at the map, but 1200 grueling kilometers over snow capped mountains. Let’s call this my jibaro moment #1.<\/p>\n
Thinking it was only 500 kilometers, and knowing from past experience that Doel is always (a) overweight (b) under-trained, I presumed that I could show up with no training, and still have to wait for him. Fast forward 4 months when I get a call from him asking how my training is going. \u00c2\u00a0I jested… “pffft… are *YOU* still 30 pounds over race weight?” \u00c2\u00a0Well, apparently he was not!<\/p>\n
After I admitted that I’ve been drinking beer and going to sleep on a full belly every night, I got quite an elaborate earful. \u00c2\u00a0“Hey, dumbass.. have you looked at the course profile? \u00c2\u00a0It’s 1200 kms… over mountains… some topping 4,000 meters just for the road, not the top itself. \u00c2\u00a0Do you want me to scratch you out of the list? Because, I’ve been training for the last 3 months and have dropped 25 pounds”.<\/p>\n
Now that hurt! \u00c2\u00a0He actually thought I couldn’t make it. \u00c2\u00a0And frankly, neither did I. \u00c2\u00a0I said I’d be in shape, hung up the phone, and pulled out my calculator… Four and a half weeks minus one half week of recovery left 4 solid weeks of training with absolutely no room for error. \u00c2\u00a0I couldn’t get sick. \u00c2\u00a0I couldn’t get injured, and I couldn’t miss a day. \u00c2\u00a0Somehow in the span of a month I had to work myself up to 5-6 hour rides on the weekends, without getting sick, something I don’t think I even did when I was racing.<\/p>\n
So…I put the calculator down and got on my bike, riskily ramping up the miles every few days. \u00c2\u00a0What I wasn’t prepared for was for the body breaking down. \u00c2\u00a0I wanted to blame it on age, but I had never gone from 10 beers to 100 mile days in a few weeks, so let’s just say it was lack of training. \u00c2\u00a0My upper body was killing me. \u00c2\u00a0I looked like a robot at work, not being able to turn my neck. \u00c2\u00a0I was downing Tylenol’s like they were Tic-Tacs, and then I started getting this annoying hamstring pain that I convinced myself I could train through. I mean, if I couldn’t train myself up to 100 miles, I sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to get over the first day, let alone the first real mountain pass.<\/p>\n
I started panicking, but I marched on. \u00c2\u00a0I pulled out all the tricks. More fruits and vegetables. \u00c2\u00a0Elevating the legs while working. Sleeping copious amounts of hours. \u00c2\u00a0Getting a proper bike fit by a Tour de France fitter. Stretching and yoga. \u00c2\u00a0Until finally I had to bring in the expert– a Pro Tour massage therapist in California. \u00c2\u00a0I mean, if I look the (anorexic) part, I might as well get serviced by the best.<\/p>\n
I called a few pro bike shops and eventually was referred to Veronika Lenzi (Ronnie)<\/a> who would see me on short notice. \u00c2\u00a0I showed up in shorts, politely smiled, and as she walked out the door she told me… “strip and lie down on the table; I’ll be right back.”<\/p>\n Ok, here is where it gets confusing. \u00c2\u00a0I’m so slim, that people assume I’m a pro. \u00c2\u00a0I’m not. \u00c2\u00a0I show up to a running race and they think I’m a Kenyan. \u00c2\u00a0I show up to a cycling race and for the first half hour I’m not allowed to blow my nose without the whole pack lining up behind me. \u00c2\u00a0So naturally, Ronnie assumed I was too, and required no further instruction…<\/p>\n …but I did. \u00c2\u00a0When someone says strip, face down on the table, what do *you* understand? \u00c2\u00a0As she closed the door I asked “naked, on the table?”. \u00c2\u00a0I think I heard a yes. \u00c2\u00a0Now this is where the jibaro moment shined right through. \u00c2\u00a0If I remained in shorts, it’d be weird for her, but if I stripped as instructed it’d be weird for me. \u00c2\u00a0Deciding she must know what she was doing, I did as instructed. \u00c2\u00a0And this is where I am ashamed to say that as I was lying down, as a 3 year old calls to his mommy to finish the proceedings in the bathroom, I managed to say “I’m reaaaaddyy”. \u00c2\u00a0As she walks in, I’m face down and barely manage to mumble “you mean, like this?”, when all of a sudden it hit me… Oh…crap, there are sheets underneath.<\/p>\n If Ronnie was embarrassed, she was too much of a professional to let it show. She politely went up to the table, got another sheet, and put it over me.<\/p>\n It’s at that moment that I remember how funny the phrase N***** moment sounded when I heard it two decades ago, and how this jibaro had let everybody know in a span of 2 minutes, that he had grown up on a coffee plantation in Rio Ca\u00c3\u00b1as Arriba, Mayaguez. \u00c2\u00a0You can take me out of the farm, but you sure as hell can’t take the farm out of me.<\/p>\n p.s. So..here I am in Lima. \u00c2\u00a0The carnival leaves tomorrow, and I’m as trained as I could conceivably get in 4 weeks with a bum hamstring. \u00c2\u00a0I say bring it! \u00c2\u00a0I grew up on a farm; I’m used to hard work!<\/p>\n p.p.s. If any of you is ever in northern California, I highly recommend Ronnie Lenzi<\/a>. Now only can she deal with professionals, but she has stories galore, and is able to politely deal with neophytes like myself.<\/p>\n Growing up in Michigan, I had an African-American friend who used to refer to those embarrassing cultural moments as nigger moments. \u00c2\u00a0I know, I know… it’s not politically correct to say the N word, but I didn’t know any better, and I had a moment all to myself when I tried to use the same … Continue reading N**g**\/Jibaro moments on the way to Peru<\/span> ![\"_20140317_094942\"](\"http:\/\/quesejoda.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/_20140317_094942-300x276.jpg\" "\\"_20140317_094942\\"")